Grieving and Growing

Have you ever had something unbelievably good happen at the exact same time as something unbelievably not good?

It is with the deepest sadness and the heaviest heart that I am finally able to share with you that we have lost the most incredible man. John F. Barnes has passed on. The void that is left in his absence is great. John would say “nature abhors a void.” So we have no choice but to carry on with all of the good that he brought to this world. To share his work. To help ourselves. To help others. John left behind the most amazing legacy and it lives within each and every person that he taught, or treated, and every person that those people went on to touch or treat with his work. He did not leave a void in his absence. He left a bright light of love and healing ability.

After all of these years of learning from this great man it is hard to imagine doing life without him. Every time that I allow myself to sit fully in the space of grief I am overwhelmed by the feeling of gratitude. I was so very lucky to be embraced and enveloped into his world with a front seat, VIP view. He offered me a space in his clinic as a PT, in his seminars as an assistant, at his table as a colleague, in his tribe as family, in his life as a friend. There is no word for someone who is a boss, friend, and family all in one. It is hard to explain that type of relationship but I will say it was built on respect, choice, presence, loyalty, and love.

Over the course of the years I never shied away from expressing to John my gratitude. John has positively impacted my life in so many ways that I could never fully express to him how great of an influence and positive force he has been on me, my family, and each and every patient that I have and will connect with. Towards the end I tried to tell him again, and when I expressed how much he has impacted my life, and how grateful I am for every little and big thing that he has done for me, in true John fashion, he expressed his gratitude for ME. It felt like someone who has given me the ocean thanking me for a drop of water.

It is hard to imagine going on without him. So I won’t. Instead I will carry him with me in each and every treatment session, and everything that I do, to honor him by sharing the amazing work that he was brave enough to embrace and cultivate and share.

Prior to his passing, I was able to share with John that the dream that I have imagined for years was finally coming to fruition. I was able to even walk him through the building virtually and show him the entire space. He expressed how proud he was of me. I had no idea that that would be our last conversation. I am so very grateful for that blessing, as the day that I took ownership of my dream occurred at the same time as John’s passing. Knowing how much he supported my plans helped fuel me to keep going and get the work done.

So at the exact same time that I am mourning the life of a great man, I am breathing life into the dream of The Swan Center for Empowered Healing.